My Story

I was always athletic growing up.  Name the sport and I played it.  Running... not so much.  It was a means to an end which was basically conditioning for whichever sport I was playing.  After two miserable shoulder surgeries in my early 20's, I decided that I needed to get back into shape and running was what I decided to try.  I loved it; it controlled my depression and anxiety, it gave me confidence in myself, and it boosted my self esteem.

I eventually ran a marathon in December of 2002 with the American Stroke Association.  I broke a bone in my foot during training but being the stubborn person I am, I kept going and completed the marathon with a respectable time of 4:03.  I loved it but shortly after I got home, my life, marriage and pretty much everything else fell apart.  My then husband was having affairs, was exceptionally cruel and in the midst of all of that I became pregnant with my daughter.  I left broken hearted, pregnant and alone.  This was one of the low points in my life.

Once I had my daughter, all I cared about was making it from one day to another.  She was and is the light of my life but my depression and anxiety were raging out of control.  I finally managed a way out of that and met my now husband, Steve, and married him when my daughter was two.  He is one of the best things to ever happen to me {and my daughter}.

But even with good things happening, I struggled immensely with my past hurts and scars.  I had my ups and downs but after another major valley, I was sick of the miserable cycle and I decided to do something about it.

I returned to running Thanksgiving day of 2012.  Those first steps on the treadmill were terrifying but  looking back I can see that it was one of the best decisions I've made for myself in recent years.

I started out with the 10K Runner app {similar to Couch25K} and once that became a habit, there's been no stopping me.  I've completed several 5K's, a few 10K's, and a half marathon in the past several months.  But those things aren't what inspire me to run. 

Medals and bib numbers to tack to the wall are cool but they aren't what keep me going on those hard runs, drag me out of bed when my depression is trying to creep back in, or give me confidence in myself.

What does inspire me?  It's tough to put my finger on it exactly but a few things... I love that I feel stronger mentally, physically and emotionally.  I've also seen a positive shift in my reaction to a bad day or stress in general.  For example; in the past I would have turned to food but these days when I feel my anxiety increasing, my thoughts drift towards, I need to workout... a good run will put things in better perspective.  And those endorphins, everything you hear about them are true.  I feel like I can tackle anything. 

Is it weird to say that I inspire myself?  Maybe a little egotistical?  I don't know.  But knowing where I've come from... pregnant with a cruel and cheating husband, going through a horrible divorce, believing that I was a complete package of damaged goods, huge struggles with depression, anxiety and disordered eating, and overweight and miserable.  Today I'm happily married to my husband of 7 years and our daughter is the light of our lives.

So yes, I'm inspired by myself but I'm also inspired but my husband who loves me unconditionally despite my quirks and a knack for finding "great deals" on running gear and then my daughter who simply inspires me to live my healthiest life possible.  I'm surrounded by good people.

And probably the most unexpected benefit of this lifestyle change; I'm making friends who share my passions and my interests.  And because of those things in common, we have also come to share other things in our lives and those kinds of friendships are the very best.

The nitty gritty {if you are looking for the results to date}:

• I still don't weigh myself but I know I've lost close to 35 pounds if I guesstimate based on clothes sizes I've gone down.
• I've run as far as 14 miles
• I've taken up biking as a form of cross training
• I'm lifting weights again and making sure I do core work.  I also don't care about bulking up; it will happen but it's my body and it's a strong body to be proud of.
• I'm eat pretty clean without being neurotic about it.  I have my bad meals here and there but moderation works for me.
• Largely, my depression and anxiety have been greatly reduced... endorphins!
• My disordered eating is finally starting to work itself out.  I'm eating to fuel my body; that's my first and only priority.
• My family has gotten healthier; Steve is biking and Chaney is happy doing anything active that we do.
• I'm trying new things!  I never in a million years would have thought I would go trail riding but it's an awesome experience every time I go.

Where do I go from here?  I keep running, enjoying my life and trying new things. I love to write so I'll probably add a little more here than just miles, training, and food.  Running is therapeutic for me so you will definitely see some of those observations from time to time. :)

And when I'm not running, I'm probably quilting and sharing over on my other blog, That Girl... That Quilt.