Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Day One

Today I ran for the first time in almost 10 years

I was an athlete in jr. high, high school, and college.  I was never a runner though; I just ran to be in shape for whatever season I was playing.  After college I entered the working world and well, I got out of shape.  But then I started working out again and decided that I should run a marathon; the Jamaica Reggae marathon to be exact.  Of course I ran some other races in between training for the big race but I also broke a tiny bone in the ball of my foot. 

Turns out that tiny bone {sesamoid bone} is pretty important in how your foot operates.

What did I do?  I ran the marathon anyways.  I got a few cortisone injections and I sucked it up.  I finished with a respectable enough time of 4:32 considering it felt like I had a sharp rock in my shoe and I was shredding the soft tissues in the bottom of my foot.

Don't do what I did. 

I ended up having surgery to reconstruct the bottom of my foot and to do a bone graft because this tiny bone wouldn't heal on its own.  Cast... crutches... non-weight bearing for 12 weeks and oh, a DVT because I was non-weight bearing for so long.  So then there were the blood thinner injections I had to give myself. 

In my stomach.

So why the heck am I running again?  Because I need to.

I struggle with depression and anxiety.  I have since college but then you add the stress of a cheating {ex} husband, having a baby, getting a divorce, being a single mom, getting re-married, raising a bright and um, high-strung little girl, a stressful job in the world of finance, and of course the normal life stuff too, I found myself in a counselor's office talking about how something had to give.

Problem is, nothing can really give.  I'm a wife, a mom, employee, quilter, etc. and stress doesn't just go away if we ask it to.  My counselor asked me to think back to a time where I handled stress better.  And for the first time I let my mind wander back to running and my marathon days.  Now, I've purposely avoided thinking of those times because while I was happy, confident, and healthy... the other shoe was about to drop and life as I knew it was about to come crashing down.

Shortly after my marathon my now ex-husband confessed to having an affair and all the mess that behavior entails.  And of all the asinine things to blame that kind of behavior on, one of those things was my running.  Not because it took time away from "us" because he worked a lot and that's when I ran but if I think about it, I believe it was more about the confidence that I gained, an accomplishment that he didn't have, and the fact that being more confident made me harder to "control".

So stopped running.  I wanted my marriage to work.  And then I got pregnant and all hell broke loose.  That was the official end of my running days and really, much activity at all because I was basically just trying to survive.

Now back to thinking about the times when I handled stress better and after letting myself open that painful file again, I know that I was at my best when I was running.  There is absolutely nothing like warming up, getting through that first mile or two, and then letting your mind run away as it is doused in endorphins.

I miss that.  Doesn't that make you want to run?  It sure makes me want to.

I never ran with music.  Partly because I was always afraid I wouldn't hear a bad guy approaching to steal me... but mostly because I didn't want any noise in my mind.  I also avoided gyms and treadmills at all costs because there's just too much going on around me in those places.

So today, for the first time in almost 10 years, I ran.  It wasn't easy but it felt good.  I'm determined to do things better this time around.  No marathons for me and I'm going to adhere to a training plan that will let me ease back in to running.  I'm using the 10k Runner app on my iPhone.  My how far technology has come in ten years!

So here's to day 1.  The start of being healthier and stronger, mentally and physically.

And BTW, I'm not a new blogger... here's my other blog where I talk about quilting, fabric and lots of other stuff.  I just figured it was a good idea to avoid turning that blog into a running/healthy living blog.  So if you are new to "me", welcome!  If you wandered over here from That Girl... That Quilt, welcome as well because I hope to find some quilters and crafter who are runners too.

I never plan to give up quilting for running though.  Hence the name... That Girl Runs With Scissors.

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